News Flash: Nobody’s life is perfect. Nobody’s got it all figured out. And guess what – you don’t have to do things in a particular way just because “they” say.

photo credit: Balance via photopin (license)

This week I’ve had three separate friends, in three separate countries, confess that they’re struggling with the green-eyed monster. And those are only the ones who’ve actually voiced it out loud. To me.

Oh, what a trap. Taking stock of where I’m at against the measuring stick that is someone else’s life (but most likely, her blog and social media profiles).

I like what Relevent Magazine has to say about this social media envy thing. Yep, it’s a thing.  You’ll find that Reuters, Forbes and The NY Post, among other sites, have also explored the issue. And if you haven’t felt that pang in your stomach while engaging in a daily dose of (friendly) internet stalking, you’re in the minority.

Pinterest was the worst for me. When I was planning my wedding, there was always another new idea, something else to vie for my limited attention and make my previous decision for flowers or cake or dress (!) stand on very shaky ground. And then when we moved into an apartment, I was desperate for that French Country Farmhouse DIY look. Pinterest was there for me, then, too. Except that I allowed it to make me feel terribly inferior to all those lifestyle bloggers out there who could upcycle a dining room table and 8 chairs in an afternoon and have it laid beautifully by dinnertime.

(When I couldn’t get the same results, I just felt like a failure.)

Of course what you don’t see is that she had a team of TEN people painting that dining set, plus a professional home stager, photographer and lighting designer to bring you those drool-worthy photos.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, Dorothy.

I’m wiser now.

Which leads me to “the rules.” Not that book about how to keep a man. No. The unspoken ones you often absorb when you take part in one of those free webinars where it feels like they’re saying the only way to succeed as a writer or an artist or an online entrepreneur is to trust their formula.

Just classic fear-based marketing really. But at times, it still works so well on me. “If you don’t follow this program, you will still be broke/single/unpublished/fat/obscure.”

It’s been overwhelming to come to terms with the fact that if I want to successfully market my newly published book, I HAVE to throw a big launch party, blog all night and day about it, guest post on other blogs, post continuously on all my social media sites (while hashtagging the death out of each post), form an ambassador group who will review the book all over the internet as well as post on all of their social media sites, get interviewed on radio and TV, produce a set of book trailer videos, write press releases, host giveaways, offer it on pre-sale, create a community around it which includes email newsletters, public speaking engagements and group coaching programs, and probably more that’s slipped my mind.

Is all that stuff REALLY what it takes? Or have I just allowed the people who teach these various tactics to convince me that this is the only way my book will ever see the light of day?

Forgive me. I’m a first time self-published author and I’m a bit shell-shocked.

Have I looked at these successful authors/marketers with my own brand of envy that they’ve “got it all figured out” and I’m still struggling to put the pieces together in a way that fits into my own personal puzzle?

My own personal puzzle.

Maybe that’s it. Piece by piece, through trial and error, we invest in lots of stuff and find out what syncs with our personalities and gels with our work.

Yeah, that feels good. OK so I’m in experimentation mode . . .

Out of all of my research and internet trolling, two sites I seem to frequent a lot lately when looking for answers:

The Creative Penn (Whenever I have a question, I keep saying, Hmm. I wonder what Joanna thinks about that.) and Freelance Writer’s Den (Carol’s keepin’ it real post on what it takes to be a freelance writer has totally stuck with me.).

What about you?  What rules are you afraid not to follow right now? And who seems to have it all together in your space? Do they REALLY?

Leave a comment below – ‘twould be great to know it’s not just me. 😛

(And that’s Day 1 of The Busy Quill 30-Day Blogging Challenge done!)